From Pride to Passion
While I was working at a local clinic I suddenly found myself confronted with a situation to care for a man who at the time, I can honestly say I hated; he had caused my family tremendous grief; yet I was bound by a medical oath to care for his health status.
The moment I saw him, my mind was flooded with the emotions that had tormented me for years.
I stood staring at him through the observation window thinking he had no right being there; yet I could feel God trying to speak to me through the hate and pain. No matter how hard I tried, I could not shake the fact the Holy Spirit was trying to take control even as I felt myself give way to my emotions.
I went into my office and broke into tears. How could this be, I was the only one in the area to perform the evaluation and I knew I did not want to sit face to face with him and especially hear answers my questions could trigger.
As with most overwhelming trials in my life; I began to cry, then picked up the phone and called my church. I thought as I waited for someone to answer; the lucky staff member that gets this call will wish he had been off today! The emotions continued to come as a flood while the secretary connected me with the staff member. Finally, on the line came the person God had chosen for that moment. So without stopping to take a breath, I went completely through why I was so upset and needed to know what to do next. I wanted him to tell me some magical formula that would make this whole thing go away, but all he said was God has a plan and let’s pray.
He prayed God would give me the strength to go through this trial or release me from it. When he finished praying, he said you know God isn’t making you do this, He is simply allowing you to make the choice. Whatever you decide, the Lord will be with you. With that, I had the answer in my mind; I did not have to do this.
I regained my composure, and went out to the desk to tell the receptionist I was not going to see this man and she needed to reschedule him with another staff member, for another day when I was not there.
Before I could open my mouth, a patient rushed to the window and said there was a man having trouble breathing; I ran to the lobby just to find the same man I wanted to cancel. Now in my mind I was obligated by my medical oath to not only evaluate his mental status but to oversee his respiratory care until other help could arrive. (God knows what we respond to, and how to get us to do something even if we think we can’t or won’t) Trained medical professionals are to work well under strenuous emotional pressure, so they say. “WOW” did this qualify.
When we finally got him stabilized, I excused myself to my office, called the church and said please pray for my strength and ability to keep my professional life separate from my emotional life.
When I walked out of my office that time I was full of the pride, the kind of pride that says I can do anything. I just knew God was testing my abilities as a medical professional to see if I meant what I said when I took the oath, and as far as I was concerned I had just passed with excellence. Of course, I later found out that was so not it!
That day, I went on to do the exam as well as his psych evaluation, just to be shocked by the level of torment he had been living through since the incident that changed my family’s life. I had never once thought of how he had to deal with the nightmares and the regret, I only saw life from my family’s perspective.
That day God began to take that pride of accomplishment and turn it into a heart of passion; not through the fact that I made it through the exam without losing my composure and telling him who I was and what he had done to my family and me. Instead, it was the cry of his heart for God I heard through the responses during the exam.
I had listened to those same cries for several years; a cry for Christ, a sincere desire for salvation. I didn’t lead him to the Lord; I don’t claim to be that super spiritual; but indirectly God allowed me to be a part of his salvation. After he left the office, I called the church and for a man to go visit this man with the hope he would receive the Lord. God had truly burdened my heart for his salvation.
During this same time in my life, I was a bus captain at our church, we visited and picked up children and families throughout the neighborhoods and took them to Church on Sundays. That morning as we were stopped at the last house I stepped off the bus to hear my name being called by a young lady who had been faithful on my route for over two years. She informed me that she was not coming to church with me that day but her Grandmother quickly spoke up and said; yes but we will be back on there next Sunday. I said great so we will pray for you and see you next week. The little girl grabbed my hand and looked deep into my eyes and said, “God answered our prayer yesterday” I looked at her oddly, and said; “What did He do?” She proceeded to tell me that her father had accepted Christ on Saturday when some man from our church went to his house and shared the plan of salvation. The grandmother spoke up and said her son had lived in torment for years, and now Christ had heard our prayers and set him free and she was so very grateful and they were going to where he lived for his baptism.
Wow that was awesome” (Yet as we stood there praising the Lord; I still wanted to get to the church, and find the staff member, and hear the answer to the questions in my heart about the man at my office.)
As I turned to walk toward the bus, the thought came to my mind I needed to get this dad’s name so I could share this story in the bus meeting and with whoever led him to the Lord.
I guess the answer to my question of what is your Daddy’s name almost shattered every cell in my body; it was the same man from my office and from my families past, I had spent 2 years of my life ministering to this family and even praying for this man; yet did not know who he was.
God knew I could not minister to him directly because of my pain, so through a chain of events He used me; even as an unwilling vessel, to reach this lost soul for Him, and to remove the black veil of hatred from my heart.
As for my heart, God used that little girl’s compassion for her father and her love and appreciation for the Lord to remove one of the darkest veils shadowing my spiritual eyes. Amazingly, God had brought me from pride to passion through the appreciative eyes of a child who knew and loved the Lord and had just received the greatest gift since her salvation; the gift that only God can give, the salvation of her earthly father.
When we arrived at church I hurried to find the one God had chosen to assist me in this spiritual walk, when I found him and told him what the Lord had done and how He had used both of us. After a few moments of rejoicing, I realized that this was not something unique in Christ, it happens all the time. God simply wants us to be willing vessels, and He does the rest.
You see this man was held in torment for his sin just as I was held in torment for mine; the sins were different but sins none the less, and all sin will send you to hell unless they are under the blood of Jesus Christ. God used the same saving grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, the power of prayer and the love of a soul winner to bring both of us to Himself. So how could I judge his worthiness to receive such a miraculous gift without being judged for my unworthiness?
Now I say to you I am in Christ and I do love the souls of man; not because of what I have done, but because He first loved me!
The main lesson God taught me through this trial to blessing in my life was that I should never question the things God is doing in my life because He has a greater purpose that I may not be ready or willing to perform if He reveals everything.
1 John 4:19 (KJV) We love him, because he first loved us.
Jeremiah 29:11 (KJV) For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
(I would like to take this opportunity to thank the Associate Pastor of Shawnee Baptist Church Bro. Ed Snider for being the staff member chosen to lead and guide me through one of the most difficult times in my life. And for being willing to go the extra mile to lead others to the saving grace of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Thanks Bro. Ed you are truly a blessing from God.)
Written By: Theressa Lindsey
The moment I saw him, my mind was flooded with the emotions that had tormented me for years.
I stood staring at him through the observation window thinking he had no right being there; yet I could feel God trying to speak to me through the hate and pain. No matter how hard I tried, I could not shake the fact the Holy Spirit was trying to take control even as I felt myself give way to my emotions.
I went into my office and broke into tears. How could this be, I was the only one in the area to perform the evaluation and I knew I did not want to sit face to face with him and especially hear answers my questions could trigger.
As with most overwhelming trials in my life; I began to cry, then picked up the phone and called my church. I thought as I waited for someone to answer; the lucky staff member that gets this call will wish he had been off today! The emotions continued to come as a flood while the secretary connected me with the staff member. Finally, on the line came the person God had chosen for that moment. So without stopping to take a breath, I went completely through why I was so upset and needed to know what to do next. I wanted him to tell me some magical formula that would make this whole thing go away, but all he said was God has a plan and let’s pray.
He prayed God would give me the strength to go through this trial or release me from it. When he finished praying, he said you know God isn’t making you do this, He is simply allowing you to make the choice. Whatever you decide, the Lord will be with you. With that, I had the answer in my mind; I did not have to do this.
I regained my composure, and went out to the desk to tell the receptionist I was not going to see this man and she needed to reschedule him with another staff member, for another day when I was not there.
Before I could open my mouth, a patient rushed to the window and said there was a man having trouble breathing; I ran to the lobby just to find the same man I wanted to cancel. Now in my mind I was obligated by my medical oath to not only evaluate his mental status but to oversee his respiratory care until other help could arrive. (God knows what we respond to, and how to get us to do something even if we think we can’t or won’t) Trained medical professionals are to work well under strenuous emotional pressure, so they say. “WOW” did this qualify.
When we finally got him stabilized, I excused myself to my office, called the church and said please pray for my strength and ability to keep my professional life separate from my emotional life.
When I walked out of my office that time I was full of the pride, the kind of pride that says I can do anything. I just knew God was testing my abilities as a medical professional to see if I meant what I said when I took the oath, and as far as I was concerned I had just passed with excellence. Of course, I later found out that was so not it!
That day, I went on to do the exam as well as his psych evaluation, just to be shocked by the level of torment he had been living through since the incident that changed my family’s life. I had never once thought of how he had to deal with the nightmares and the regret, I only saw life from my family’s perspective.
That day God began to take that pride of accomplishment and turn it into a heart of passion; not through the fact that I made it through the exam without losing my composure and telling him who I was and what he had done to my family and me. Instead, it was the cry of his heart for God I heard through the responses during the exam.
I had listened to those same cries for several years; a cry for Christ, a sincere desire for salvation. I didn’t lead him to the Lord; I don’t claim to be that super spiritual; but indirectly God allowed me to be a part of his salvation. After he left the office, I called the church and for a man to go visit this man with the hope he would receive the Lord. God had truly burdened my heart for his salvation.
During this same time in my life, I was a bus captain at our church, we visited and picked up children and families throughout the neighborhoods and took them to Church on Sundays. That morning as we were stopped at the last house I stepped off the bus to hear my name being called by a young lady who had been faithful on my route for over two years. She informed me that she was not coming to church with me that day but her Grandmother quickly spoke up and said; yes but we will be back on there next Sunday. I said great so we will pray for you and see you next week. The little girl grabbed my hand and looked deep into my eyes and said, “God answered our prayer yesterday” I looked at her oddly, and said; “What did He do?” She proceeded to tell me that her father had accepted Christ on Saturday when some man from our church went to his house and shared the plan of salvation. The grandmother spoke up and said her son had lived in torment for years, and now Christ had heard our prayers and set him free and she was so very grateful and they were going to where he lived for his baptism.
Wow that was awesome” (Yet as we stood there praising the Lord; I still wanted to get to the church, and find the staff member, and hear the answer to the questions in my heart about the man at my office.)
As I turned to walk toward the bus, the thought came to my mind I needed to get this dad’s name so I could share this story in the bus meeting and with whoever led him to the Lord.
I guess the answer to my question of what is your Daddy’s name almost shattered every cell in my body; it was the same man from my office and from my families past, I had spent 2 years of my life ministering to this family and even praying for this man; yet did not know who he was.
God knew I could not minister to him directly because of my pain, so through a chain of events He used me; even as an unwilling vessel, to reach this lost soul for Him, and to remove the black veil of hatred from my heart.
As for my heart, God used that little girl’s compassion for her father and her love and appreciation for the Lord to remove one of the darkest veils shadowing my spiritual eyes. Amazingly, God had brought me from pride to passion through the appreciative eyes of a child who knew and loved the Lord and had just received the greatest gift since her salvation; the gift that only God can give, the salvation of her earthly father.
When we arrived at church I hurried to find the one God had chosen to assist me in this spiritual walk, when I found him and told him what the Lord had done and how He had used both of us. After a few moments of rejoicing, I realized that this was not something unique in Christ, it happens all the time. God simply wants us to be willing vessels, and He does the rest.
You see this man was held in torment for his sin just as I was held in torment for mine; the sins were different but sins none the less, and all sin will send you to hell unless they are under the blood of Jesus Christ. God used the same saving grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, the power of prayer and the love of a soul winner to bring both of us to Himself. So how could I judge his worthiness to receive such a miraculous gift without being judged for my unworthiness?
Now I say to you I am in Christ and I do love the souls of man; not because of what I have done, but because He first loved me!
The main lesson God taught me through this trial to blessing in my life was that I should never question the things God is doing in my life because He has a greater purpose that I may not be ready or willing to perform if He reveals everything.
1 John 4:19 (KJV) We love him, because he first loved us.
Jeremiah 29:11 (KJV) For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
(I would like to take this opportunity to thank the Associate Pastor of Shawnee Baptist Church Bro. Ed Snider for being the staff member chosen to lead and guide me through one of the most difficult times in my life. And for being willing to go the extra mile to lead others to the saving grace of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Thanks Bro. Ed you are truly a blessing from God.)
Written By: Theressa Lindsey